Life's too short for empty, complicated, and often destructive relationships. Joyce Landorf Heatherley calls these relationships “Irregular”. In her book “Irregular People”, Joyce describes an irregular person as - “that person who is blind, deaf, and mute to your deepest needs, no matter how hard you try to communicate”. With her experiential wisdom, I was awakened and empowered to walk through my own journey to spiritual and emotional healing. It didn’t happen overnight. It took 7 months of not speaking to my mother, before the Holy Spirit downloaded His take on the issue.
Through the Holy Spirit’s nudging and taking me deeper into His understanding, rather than leaning on my own blindness, I was able to see the relationship in a different light. With God’s wisdom in front of me, I was moved to apologize to my mother for wanting or needing her to be someone that she was incapable of being. It was God that helped me understand how she was groomed to be my irregular person – by her own irregular mother. Enlightened - I was compelled to express my heartfelt love for her – just the way she was.
An interesting thing happened…the relationship actually changed. She didn't change - for a long time she was the same. But because I changed my expectations, the way I saw her changed the way I related to her. Gradually the relationship changed for the good. Then, several years later - the last year or so before she died - she ended up sharing with me in a way that brought us closer than I had ever hoped for. But because it was so long in the making, her death presented much sorrow and grieving. I finally had the mother that I always needed, and then she was gone. I still cry at times, even 7 years after her home going, when I want to share moments of my life with her. Because we were separated in death, those lost years will never be recovered until heaven.
We've all had a hidden drawer…that was or is just impossible for us to open, so we compartmentalize it - from the person we've become. We think that it is we holding it hostage to our will – keeping it hidden so deep, that it can no longer unleash the pain and suffering it represents. If we're lucky, something will force us to open the drawer and face what we've successfully hidden away. And if we believe in the person we have become, not in spite of, but because of those painful memories, we can look at them from a different perspective - because we are no longer that person - in that situation - at that difficult time.
Life has given us a new set of eyes…and our heart knowledge has grown big enough to allow forgiveness to reign in our spirit. We courageously open the drawer, and the emergence of light on the subject chases away the fear – the pain – the haunting memories. With the emergent light, we are lifted to a higher place where the air around us is much lighter and we are empowered to breathe in the wholeness of life. The darkness of the drawer no longer has a hold over us. We have chosen to bring it into the light.
Light belongs in darkens.
Light dispels the darkness.
Light sets us free.
Light encourages us to fly.
May the Light of God’s illuminating love … invade any hidden drawers that hold you hostage. May His light dispel the darkness of what lies beneath. May I encourage you to walk across the bridge of forgiveness and reconciliation - before the opportunity fades. Joyce helped me understand the nature of my irregular person – why she behaved in that maddening way – which allowed the Holy Spirit to mold me and move me into a higher realm of understanding – an understanding that was hidden from me – because of my own blindness.
Joyce admits that some relationships are simply toxic. Still….don't let them live rent free in your head. Don't let darkness reign - even for a moment – in you. Those that love you – those that follow you – those that are seeking to know the Lord – need all the light that radiates from you. The Glory of God is visible in us when we choose to let His light fully and completely shine through the darkness of our soul – to a brighter way. Seek restoration in all your relationships and watch the darkness fade. Open the windows, the doors, and any hidden drawers. Breathe deep. Breathe in the wholeness of God and let Him teach you to fly!
Shine Jesus Shine...
Mama standing in the middle of a wheat field some years before her home-going. The field is now being farmed by someone else. It used to be her daddy's farm in western Kansas, where she was born and raised.
warrior bride in boots