It’s been 5 LONG weeks since Dad came home from rehab. It has been difficult. My mind, body, and spirit have been at war. I’ve wanted to give up at least once – every single week.
BUT I CHOOSE TO PRAISE JESUS !
I haven’t updated here because I wanted to keep it positive. I felt as if my gift of FAITH & ENCOURAGEMENT was being ripped right out of me. I found myself encouraging me – as Dad adamantly REFUSED encouragement from anyone.
In the previous post, I spoke of my mind and heart coming together with God’s vantage point. His turn around anointing. My physical and mental weakness, from the previous 11 months as a 24/7 care giver to Dad, couldn’t fathom any possibility of continuing on. Caring for an ‘invalid’ was beyond my scope of capabilities.
As Betty Davis used to say, “Getting old ain’t for sissies.” I would add – neither is 24/7 care giving. I’m in the boat with both. 'I'm too old for this', I cried. My boat was already sinking – before Dad had this debilitating stroke.
He has me here for a PURPOSE! It doesn’t feel like purpose most of the time. It feels much like prison; being held hostage; torture; mind games; something or someone else seems to be warring for control.
Not knowing what to expect – I find myself reluctant to face the ‘NEW DAY’. Empowering myself in the Lord – I find myself talking out loud to God...and Dad - Speaking TRUTH against the LIES and DECEPTION that are working overtime to claim my ‘preacher’ daddy’s body, mind, and spirit.
It’s apparent that in Dad’s mind - he came home to die.
Relentlessly …. Dad filled the atmosphere – with WORD CURSES against his body. Negative proclamations; pitiful mind traps; land minds at ever turn.
“I JUST WANT TO DIE”
This preoccupation – obsession really – was hanging over my days. The very air I breathed was laden with His obsession with DEATH.
NOTHING I or the therapists said or did changed his ‘stinkin thinkin’
He was angry at his circumstance
He was acting out his anger
He was willfully stubborn
He was experiencing a ‘CRISIS of FAITH’
His Spirit, held hostage to the LIE of DEFEAT
He was an embodiment of DECEPTION
EMBODIED - Wikipedia states – “a position in cognitive science and the philosophy of mind emphasizing the role that the body plays in shaping the mind.” Answers.com states it this way: To give a bodily form to; incarnate. To represent in bodily or material form. To make part of a system or whole; incorporate
I was staring DECEPTION right in the face!
Call it what you will. Medical science called it a stroke. Answers.com describes a stroke as the sudden death of brain cells in a localized area due to inadequate blood flow. It goes on to say that a stroke occurs when blood flow is interrupted to part of the brain. Without blood to supply oxygen and nutrients and to remove waste products, brain cells quickly begin to die. Depending on the region of the brain affected, a stroke may cause paralysis, speech impairment, loss of memory and reasoning ability, coma, or death.
Dad was affected by all except coma, and death!
NOTHING is as it seems in the physical. Through the EYES of God, EVERYTHING is hugely different than our mere existence can fathom.
HOPE deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
“Now FAITH is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb 11:1 (NIV)
“FAITH is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” (NLV)
“Now FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation,]the title deed) of the things [we] HOPE for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].” (Amplified)
It can be written many different ways – but the meaning is clear. FAITH and HOPE go together. I love the way the Message puts it:
The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this FAITH, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.”
These last two months, have been a trying experience for me. I am famished from the inside out. SPENT!
Comes and bathes me in His LIGHT and His LOVE. He continues to pour into me TRUTH. In Him, I have a fortress beyond belief! I am barricaded behind this fortress as if I am the only one fighting this war. But My God is on both sides of this wall.
I KNOW that He GOES BEFORE me and He PROTECTS me from BEHIND.
And if that isn’t cool enough, He’s also right BESIDE me and INSIDE of me – fighting this war for me – a war that I do not fully understand, but recognize as a war against the Satanic principality of DECEPTION.
I therefore raise my SWORD towards the highest Heaven, to the ONE who fights this fight for me and through me. I lift my SHIELD of FAITH as my instrument of PROTECTION – for a TURN AROUND ANOINTING – against the fiery arrows that are aimed at me and mine. I GIRD myself with the belt of TRUTH, that I might not be deceived nor grow faint. My head is covered with the Helmet of SALVATION that my mind be fully PROTECTED – STEADFAST – FOCUSED on the PRIZE of VICTORY which is in Christ JESUS. As I walk in His shoes of PEACE – I am ASSURED of HIS intended outcome –
TO GOD BE THE GLORY...Great things He hath done!
NOTHING is impossible with GOD!
My God shall supply ALL of my Needs according to His riches in Glory, through Christ Jesus.
I am the DAUGHTER of the MOST HIGH KING!
Dear Lord and Savior, I dedicate this blog to my children and grandchildren and those yet unborn. It is my heart’s desire, Lord, to reach for the heavens during my years left on this earth – that my ceiling might become the floor that they dance upon – that they might know the sure foundation of which I stand, and walk in the LIGHT of JESUS as I have sought. May this legacy of FAITH serve them in years to come. May they be encouraged to FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT. May those that come behind me find me FAITHFUL. In the name of Jesus Christ..…Amen….let it be so!