3 years to the day almost...a blogger comment finds its way to my inbox. Ive only been blogging for a little over 3 years. In the beginning... I subscribed to comments....to see what others said...and to read replies and to build online relationships. I didn't know then, that most bloggers don't reply to their readers comments. For me... it wasn't just about writing...it was about building relationships.
4 years ago...found me isolated and insulated from the world....as dad's 24/7 caregiver. I cared for him for 2 1/2 years. After the first year, a 'resistive' stroke left him paralyzed on one side. Before the stroke...he was in a car accident that left him brain damaged and unable to walk. He relearned how to dress himself and to walk. He walked with a walker...but he walked.
The resistive stroke compounded the brain damage and his mind couldn't allow him to relate to his own body. He could barely stand for transfers. His right leg was already weak from the accident. And it was as if his whole left side was amputated. Even when after much struggle... he would manage to ever so slightly move a finger on his paralyzed hand... he would see it move...and yet say..."but that's not my hand!" You can read about his first days back from 3 weeks of rehab ... here.
His mind was in a stupor! It lied to him... the truth was....he could move his hand...even arm....but his mind didn't believe it! Thus.... he remains an invalid to this day.
Finding myself 'homebound' ....and in my own state of 'stupor'...I turned to blogging. Blogging brought faces and relationship into my isolated world. I am most grateful for all who have passed this way... in these past 3 years. Many have become precious friends. For this reason....though I do not blog faithfully now...I will maintain this place as a connecting bridge for all who need an encouraging word....and to remember....the Lord's faithful right arm... to those that love Him.
Though I'm no longer dad's personal caregiver...I am still very isolated and insulated from the world. Caring for dad has changed me in ways I can't even begin to share with most of you. It was a very personal journey. I am not the same person that I knew me to be...
Sometimes... I feel like a 'little girl lost'. I cant seem to find me. At times, I wish I could sit in the presence of good friends and simply ask... "Who do you say that I am?" ..."I don't think I know me anymore, do you know me?"
But they know me ...only as who I used to be, before leaving my job and home...to move 1200 miles away for 3 years. They base who I am ... solely on who I was. They keep expecting me to emerge....to fly again...
but I am not that person!
I am different!
In fact, I don't seek to be that person anymore...even though I'm uncomfortable being 'different'.
Have you found yourself so changed by a circumstance or season, that you question who you are? Why you're here? Will you ever reemerge in confidence and strength...with a solid purpose?
Sometimes... even in our able bodies...our minds lie to us...
New Year's eve 'morning' found me in a stupor ....
Merriam-Webster's Definition of STUPOR
1 : a condition of greatly dulled or completely suspended sense or sensibility stupor 2 : a state of extreme apathy or torpor resulting often from stress or shock : daze
Medical Definition of STUPOR
: a condition of greatly dulled or completely suspended sense or sensibility stupor; specifically : a chiefly mental condition marked by absence of spontaneous movement, greatly diminished responsiveness to stimulation, and usually impaired consciousness
I was depressed ...
.....facing the ominous future. No job on the horizon...still .. a year later after caring for dad full time. No job in a world of unemployment....
I was and am deeply grieved....
For 'we the people'...one nation under God... a people that has forgotten God.... Turned our backs on God.... Ripped God right out of the very fabric of this nation. The gaping hole....threatens our freedom...our lives...our families...our homes....our children and grandchildren's future.
I don't own a TV. I choose to live in peace ...to allow my mind to hear my own thoughts and to discern the Lord's contemplative dialog with me. But...I have found alternative voices for mainstream media.....online. Life as we know it....is about to change. Are you prepared for change? Do you know yourself well enough to weather the change?
The one definable difference ...in me ...from 3 years ago, is my deeply personal ...relationship with my Savior... Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit...the comforter. He always...faithfully knows exactly how to bring me out of my stupor!
This is how He came to me on the last day of 2012.... through an unknown blogger's comment ...that landed in my inbox.... as a Holy Spirit initiated invitation to revisit the corresponding post... that my spirit might be refreshed. He KNEW...I would!
On 01/10/10....... On Kerri's photo blog...."a little bit of me".... In response to her posting of a beautiful goldfinch ...with a quote from Harold B. Melchart....
"Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance toward the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point. Climb slowly, steadily, enjoying each passing moment; and the view from the summit will serve as a fitting climax for the journey." ~Harold B. Melchart
I wrote in the comment section.....
"....If we stumble and tumble to the meadow below, the views are spectacular even then. Whether looking up at the summit or across the grassy meadow, keep the goal in sight and you'll never lose your way.
Circumstance has a way of forcing us to see the path with a different set of eyes, different perspectives from different vantage points. But we should not allow circumstance to rob us of the joy that the journey bestows...."
~ Patrina <')>><
January 10, 2010 7:37 PM
This was a 'timely' reminder. A dose of my own medicine. It found its way to me on the wings of a dove...the Holy Spirit! It was the first thing I read new Years eve morning ...before getting out of bed. It lighted on me and awakened me from my stupor...because an unknown blogger from Lake Macquarie, NSW Australia...found Kerri's post of 3 years ago...that I had subscribed to...and added a comment.
And so.. today, I am very aware of these 'different' set of eyes...that he's given me. I am aware that I see things differently because of the paths that He has placed me on. I view life from these different seasons and circumstances. I'm aware of these different perspectives...because I had not yet entered such a life transforming season as the past 3 years. I am aware that this past season has changed me. I'm aware that the Holy Spirit will not waste a day...of this past season....but will use it to propel me into His future plan for me.
Today, He reminds me of my own words... words written when I was not in a stupor... but full of hope....like on an altar... He lays them out for me ... to remember.
Don't ever think that the 'words' that you write... the feelings that you describe... the experiences that you share right here in blog-villa ....are nothing but words... they have the power to travel the world ...ministering hope and encouragement... and yet land right smack dab in the middle of your island....and minister life to you!
Today, I celebrate the ending of 2012 and look faithfully towards 2013...with all of you. Knowing that you are still just a click away...gives me strength and HOPE to keep on keeping on.
Thank you for befriending me...thank you for listening to me...thank you for returning again and again... to my island....and sharing your lives with me.
Peace be unto you....may it settle in your hearts and flow outward to those around you....May you know the sweet fragrance of Christ that abides within.
blessings for the new year!
Thank you to my newest blogger....Carol M for being used by God to awaken me ...to remind me...to assure me....to challenge me... With my own words.
I am deeply grateful!
Kerri can be found at...
Carol can be found at...
his warrior bride in boots
as I read your post I could not believe that this was the same person that has been writing the previous posts that I have read here. We tend to go by what we see, as in the pictures of happiness that I have seen on your blog, until we are introduced to the person that lies within. I am not too proud to say that I am crying as I type this, both for you and for your father. Yet as I cry I know that there is One who has comforted you and is able to continue to comfort you in all circumstances, because He has done this, and is still doing this in my own life. As I continue to write this comment I am also in a battle because I want the Lord to heal your father, and yet the doubt as to whether or not He will do this is there. I know that He can do this and that all things are possible with Him. I have had healings myself including an immediate miraculous removal of a large lump when someone prayed for me. I have also had a death experience and been told that it was not my time, that 'I must go back'. What is now coming into my mind is the man who said that he did believe, but asked Jesus to help him in his unbelief. Jesus still did the healing for him. So I have nothing to lose by asking the Father in Jesus' name to heal your father and bring him back to how he was, and so I do.
May our Lord bring you your heart's desires in 2013, which I know will be in accordance with His will.
blessing to you for visiting tonight...for your prayers...your vulnerable heart and for your concern for both myself and my father.
I appreciate that you boldly request the Lord to heal dad... what a blessing that would be. A true miracle! A genuine witness to the miracle power of the lord Jesus.
Dad is so stuck in this stupor.....this mind-bending lie against his body. It was an exhausting thing to watch...I just had to give it over to the Lord.
Thank you for your bold request for healing dad.... I receive that and once again petition the Father for dad's reprieve ...or 'home going'. He is ready for heaven....
I cherish the sweet fragrance of Christ that abides within you... it was a refreshment to my own spirit...
Blessings and peace to you
But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.
"The blessing of Jehovah, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow to it", Proverbs 10: 22. Trusting you are encouraged in the New Year; and thanking you for encouragement.ReplyDelete
thank you, David...for this message...He addeth no sorrow... Thanks be to God! My strength when I am weakened by grief and sorrow... by pain and depression. He is my strong tower.... I run to Him.. He hides me and gives me His peace.Delete
I am encouraged, David... thank you for visiting.
The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
Many times I have checked your place here on the net to see if you had a new post. I am glad to see you here today but sorry for your father's condition. I will pray for his eyes to be opened to the truth of the Word that by His stripes we are healed. The hand of God can go where no man's knife or medicine can. I am grateful for your steadfast faith, Patrina, and that here you are still offering love and encouragement to many.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your visit...and your kind words. I have visited you many times too but I can't comment on my mobile device...its too difficult.
thank you for your prayers. I pray for your situation with your son as well.
I loved this sentence in your comment...
"The hand of God can go where no man's knife or medicine can. "
It most certainly can - that has been my prayer.
God's blessings to you and your family, Sandy
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
It's such a blessing to read of His bringing into remembrance what He's told us all along - which we set aside for a while. Renewing a right spirit is His specialty. Just a few words, and we remember.ReplyDelete
"...bringing into remembrance what He's told us all along ." I love this too... Yes, I think He is constantly doing this for us...all the time. He cares about everything that concerns us.Delete
Thanks for visiting, Phyllis
blessings to You
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Patrina, my friend:ReplyDelete
You have every answer that you will ever need. I know that you already know that. You have shared it with so many, and like you said... our own words go out to others, and they also come back to us to remind us of the truth we shared when they were spoken. Truth stands.
Here's one of my favorite truths of all time... JESUS CHRIST IS THE SAME, YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER!.
I pray for all you have learned of God to be your daily strength.
I may not be blogging, at least for now, but I fully intend to check in on my friends, as I have with you tonight.
Praying a special prayer for you right now, and for your dad. Sometimes the very best we can do is to pick ourselves up and remember that we are loved and that He is still God...
Love you Patrina, and thank you for all the sharing of your own heart on this page. Such truth, and such encouragement is in your pencil!
I will miss you, dear one. Your truth and encouragement has been there for me for these past 3 years. how true your words are... for they are indeed scripture.
JESUS CHRIST IS THE SAME, YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER!.
He is still God!
Thank you also, for your prayers...and your kind words encourage me to keep picking up my pencil.
blessings to you in the coming season
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Romans 13:8
YES!! You are back.....I have wondered about your well being....where you are, if you are safe, if you are happy and if you have what you need .....You have ministered so very much to my heart and others and as for me, I wish I could give back to you many times more what you give to me....us! I am so glad in my heart that you have come out of the stupor..... your words are so taken with sincerity because you speak to our hearts as they feel at times and it is taken to heart....as though the Holy Spirit Himself sends your words for us too! Your words today ring sweetly as I am going through changes in our lives. The once needed communication with customers .... people needing my art or my work or whatever....has slowed to an almost stop, but it feels soooo okay. I have all these new feelings about this new season in my life and I ask myself many questions to see if the feelings are just past needs that I no longer need.....getting ready for other things He will place before me.... just day by day .... or moment by moment. Taking in what is the moment has felt so wonderful, even if it is not much. I have lived with so much pressure to succeed at business for 27 years... that now to succeed is to just be me, for me, or whoever happens by and produce from my heart just what the moment brings.....and not for monetary gain, but for His gain....if He wants....but just to be me simply these days..... I thought it would feel scarey, but it has been freeing. The connection with you has been an important one spiritually as you have been such an encourager ..... blogging has been something that I have cherished and it opened up a different world for me ..... not in numbers, but in rich content to feed the soul in getting to see other's hearts...it is such a great way to connect where you are led .... this writing seems like rambling now that I read it.....I just can't describe how I feel.....but I am loving being a "nobody"..... but knowing I am HIS CHILD....and I guess that is why I have no fear. Oh anyway!....I want to read this that you wrote again. Just know that you are cherished and prayed for ..... if you lived in my neighborhood, I'd bring a good cup of tea in a pretty tea cup for you to enjoy. You are missed and I am so glad you will still connect when you are led. I will continue to pray for you too. So glad His arms are around you!!ReplyDelete
LOL....Yes, I am back for the moment :) Not promising anything but will try to keep my doors open here...considering the way of the world right now...encouragement is needed!
Yes, I have everything I need. The Lord is my Shepherd...
I know you must be experiencing so much change... 27 years in your business is a long time...I am still dealing with things being so different for me.. Its hard.
I hope and pray that as you get back into your art... that it will reignite your gift and create new ways to bless Him with that gift. I'm considering getting into this wax painting - encaustic painting... it looks so fun... and simple, and I need to be doing something creative to stay positive and happy.
I'm so glad that you are enjoying just being you. I know God has a plan for you in this new season.
Its a scarey world out there but as Sonja said above, God is still God!
AWWW... I wish we were neighbors too... thank you so much for your heartfelt words. Thank you for visiting...always.
Blessings to you and your family
This song came to mind when reading your words.. we used to sing it as a family...and I dang it to my grandchildren as I rocked them to sleep :)
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Words: Elisha A. Hoffman
Music: Anthony J. Showalter
I was so excited as I read through my blog roll and saw that you have updated. Though am a week late due to laptop problem, it didn't dampen my excitement. As I read, I went awww inside of me...yes,I know you were talking about another blogger, but it occurred to me we met the same way and it's same 3years!ReplyDelete
I thank GOD for meeting you that day, you are a blessing to me with your words and deeds. You are one true blogger-friend I have met and am proud to say it anywhere!
How is your daddy doing? It takes love and patient to be a caregiver, esp for a loved one. GOD will continue to strengthen you, as you write often to help people in their walk with Christ.
so nice that you watch for my updates :-)
I am indeed a patient updater.
YES YES, my far away friend....I met you in a very divine orchestrated moment as well. Never heard of you before that night...when I prayed for you online...on Jacee's blog 'light a lamp'. I shall never forget...and look what the Lord had planned for us...now 3 years down the road. We have become the best of friends! Indeed! I pray for you and your family as if you were my own.
And to think that your hubby has now given his life to the Lord...just as your dream showed you..and we prayed for. That's worth celebrating! Amen!
I am honored that the Lord has brought us all together...and I thank you for your encouragement as well, friend.
Blessings to you and family
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
It sounds like you had some desert time. I wandered in the desert myself for many, many years. But it was in this place that I had to lean on God alone. It was beautiful because I had to learn to hear His voice for myself, because I had no one else to explain Him to me. I didn't learn much about myself in that desert, but I learned a lot about God!ReplyDelete
Yes, it was desert time... but like you, it was a time to lean on God. He did show me deep things that I never understood before. He also walked me through some of the toughest times of my life...He never left my side.
Celebrating with you...your deep relationship with the Lord Jesus.
Isaiah 35:6 Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.
There was a typo error in my earlier comment, so I deleted it to correct the error.
I have been watching for a new post from you, and yet when your new post came, I did not notice it at once. Something happened on Christmas Eve, and what I thought was going to be a bad memory was reversed by the Father for good. So I wasn't really paying attention to my neighbors in Blogville. Until these past two days when I have been taking time to visit blog friends again... and I noticed your new post on my blog sidebar. Wow, the title really caught my eye - and here I am at your place. Still in awe over what I just read. Your honesty is refreshing, and your openness in sharing what God is doing in your life is such an encouragement to me. I know that you had visited my blog some time ago and left a very warm comment... to which I do not remember ever replying. So sorry about that. But here I am, and so glad to be reconnected to you. I have noticed that you have new pictures of beautiful horses on your sidebar. Lovely horses! Blessings of hope and joy and beauty in this new year!
Good to see you here, Lidia..Delete
I have been missing your visits. Glad you reconnected too. I'll have to pay you a visit to find out what's been happening with you... awesome that the Lord turned your Christmas eve around for good.. and His glory no doubt. He is always concerned about everything that concerns us.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Dear Patrina ~ What an incredible journey the LORD has had you on!! How wonderful it is to read of your faith in HIM and your trust in HIS perfect plan. Yes, we change...but, HE never does!! What a comfort that truth is!!! May you continue to know HIS hand upon you and may you be led of HIM day by day.ReplyDelete
Many Blessings to you!
Thanks for picking up the pencil.
How true it is...He never changes. His LOVE endures forever.
blessings to you, too Camile
1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Psalm 100:5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.
You have grown and blossomed over these years and now you're ready for your horse! First we fly - then we ride!ReplyDelete
Waiting for the King of KINGS to come,
I am so ready for my horse... but definitely ready to FLY with Him! Oh what a day that will be...when Christ's face we shall see..
hugs to you, my faithful friend
1 John 3:2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
1 John 2:28 And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.
You must be a horse person. The picts are beautiful. I live in Kentucky so I love horses, too. Please check out my spiritual blog called "Walking in the Light" - devotionsbylv.blogspot.comReplyDelete
It is my online ministry for Jesus.
Linda, welcome to my pencil. YES! glad you noticed. I DO love horses!Thanks for stopping by.ReplyDelete
blessings to you
The Rider on the White Horse
11 I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. 12 His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. 13 He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. 14 The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. 15 Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.”a He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. 16 On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
king of kings and lord of lords.
Hello Patrina, Thanks for stopping by my nature blog. I remember when you used to occasionaly stop by my Journey blog and comment...which is always a suprise from anyone :-) I think that many bloggers find that blogging is not what they expected. It is hard to answer comments. The only people that I see do it, are those that have the "embeded" form...which causes me problems sometimes, so I have not chosen to use it. Some answer by email, but I don't have the email address of everyone who comments to me. I do email with some and have formed friendships with other bloggers that I have never met, but feel like I know well. It sounds like you have had a very hard time the last few years. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to be a full time care giver for three years. I'm glad that God has given you the strength to get through that. I am glad that you have Him to lean on. He is strong when we are weak. I pray that he will continue to bless you this year and lead you to a job if you are still seeking one. I don't know if you read daily devotionals or not, but I have had a a lot of blessing from "Jesus Calling" by Sara Young. She is a very wise woman who has spent much time listening to God speak to her. I often hear echoes of my own life, when I read her writings. She has several books that are quite good. I think that God blesses Christian writers to give hope to others who need it. I will try to be better about answering blog comments and feel free to email me. God bless you.ReplyDelete
Good to see you here, Mary...ReplyDelete
Yes, I remember well your devotional journey blog. I started reading it back in AR. It helped me many times...and you always commented in response to my comments :) I have followed you ever since...I just don't comment like I used to.. it amazes me that you can write faithfully everyday such devotionals... good for you.
Yes... I have Jesus Calling by Sara Young. Yes, she is wise... I began many many years reading 'God Calling' and its companion 'God at Eventide'...by Two Listeners... all 3 books are a divine work of GRACE. I sometimes write as if God is speaking to me like that...but only in my journals :)
How sweet of you to invite me to email you. Thank you for the open invite. And please, don't respond to comments just because i do...It takes time... and everyone blogs for different reasons. I still blog for the 'sense of community' that it brings. I've always been drawn to 'community'. This world is getting spread way too thin... we don't even know our neighbors names any more.
God's blessings to you tonight, Mary and thanks for picking up the pencil. It was so good to 'hear' from you :) thanks for encouraging me.
Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
I have read God Calling, but didn't realize that there was a second book by the Two Listeners! I will have to look for it. Hope I can find a copy. I use all these books as devotionals in various years. I'm reading one of Sara Young's other books right now...Dear Jesus. It is very good, too. I agree that community is important and that it is being lost while we all huddle inside our houses in front of screens of one kind or another. But I do find that blogging has let me reach out and meet others that I probably never would have known. And because blogging is "subject" oriented, I can find people with similar interests. Much better than Facebook...which I hate.ReplyDelete
I wanted to thank you for coming by my blogs again. What an encouragement you have been to my heart... I feel as if God inducted you( is that a word? :-) back into my life for a reason. I visited both your nature blog and your journey blog this morning. Loved your devotional as Jesus as Light. Very thought provoking.
God impressed upon me a few years ago...that we can walk unto a dark room and release LIGHT without saying a word...because Jesus, the Light of the world lives inside of us. We who love God, & follow Him with heart and mind and deed....will never go anywhere without Him. He resides inside our human temples. And His LIGHT and LOVE endures forever.
Remembering this...should keep our eyes on the goal....and our hearts aware of where we take Him!
I agree... I am not on Facebook or Twitter or any other... just blogger... people don't talk to other people any more... Facebook and twitter just encourage MORE of that... I hate texting most of the time too... I miss 'old fashioned' talking....
I have the link for the online God Calling Devotional on my side bar... it also includes God at Eventide...
Blessings to you Mary
Thanks for being neighborly :)
Psalm 136:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.